And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop
by doctor-bacon
Summary: A rambling songfic that follows the progression of Elijah's experience with Elena as he strolls through Mystic Falls.


Song: "And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop" by James Vincent McMorrow

Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or any of the characters. If I did, Elijah would have _way_ more screen time.

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><p><em>The wind changed, the first day that you came through<em>

When Elijah first sets his eyes on Elena, he is shaken, jolted to the core. He thought it impossible. No way is a doppelgänger alive. The line had ended with Katerina, he had been certain of it. Yet, here she stands before him, trembling and covered in blood and _human_.

The likeness, the _exactness_, is unsettling after so many centuries. Past the initial shock, he cannot help but see Tatia, see Katerina, in her, the face she shares with the only two women he ever allowed himself to love.

Oh, who was he kidding? He had never _let_ himself love them, it had simply happened, completely against his will.

He swears over the years that it will never happen again.

_Now everything that's ever gone before, is just a blur_

_It's all because of you_

He grows to know Elena, becomes acquainted with her over time and is pleased by what he finds. She represents the small piece of hope left in the world, illuminates the _good_ that Elijah struggles to find in his own existence. She surpasses every expectation he has left of humans, the selfish, worthless creatures he sees them as. She is the opposite in every way, kind-hearted, spirited, and full of love. And then there is the infamous Petrova fire, the very passion both Tatia and Katerina had possessed as well. It drew suitors in like moths to a flame, leading to nothing but heartbreak down the road. Elijah knows Elena is doomed to the same fate for presumably her whole life, already torn between two brothers. Such blatant proof that history had a tendency to repeat itself. It was, for whatever reason, part of the curse that came with being a Petrova doppelgänger.

He finds he has to take a beat and remind himself of the personal promise he made to not care for another Petrova.

_And now I find, this city's like a stranger to me_  
><em>I once was fooled by Cadillacs and honey<em>  
><em>But no one feels like you<em>  
><em>Not like you<em>

He strolls through the town square of Mystic Falls, the very town that he once called his home, many centuries ago now. Hands in pockets, he casually observes the passersby, every now and then catching the eye of a pretty woman, earning a flirty smile from an attractive young lady. They hold no interest of his, however. The shadow Elena has cast over his life, the blinders her soulful beauty has put over his eyes shields him from the world, of the possibility of another capturing his heart the way she has.

_'Cause even though the flower fades something takes its place  
>A marching band on a sunny day, two pretty eyes or a pretty face<em>

He leaves the town and heads to the outskirts, naturally on foot. He enjoys nature, he always has. It is serene, possesses the tranquil peace he so desires. He treads down the path alongside the street, veering off into the surrounding trees. He lets his hands reach out, lightly grazing the ferns and foliage. He likes having a tangible grasp on life, and always makes a point to touch what he can, as if feeling the textures will tether him to this planet when he feels detached.

_Then in the forest I made my home_  
><em>Lay down on hard and ancient stone<em>

He reaches his destination: his long-abandoned home in the woods. He looks around at the trees that have since spawned, the plants that now adorn the forest floor. He remembers exactly where the mighty white oak stood before it burned to the ground, where he and his brothers gathered to share stories with the natives around the nighttime fire, where his family's house once existed.

He recalls the first time he saw Tatia, the exquisite beauty that she was and how dumbstruck she rendered him when they met at last. But, as was his luck, she was not his to have, already with child and betrothed to another villager. It was not that she loved that man, or that Elijah's love was unrequited, but her heart did not belong solely to him. Niklaus had set his eyes on the Petrova girl as well, the moment she and her family stepped off the ship from Europe. She became enraptured by both brothers, unable to choose even if she was able to without prior engagement.

It tore them apart, Elijah remembers bitterly, pacing around the old grounds.

_Then if my heart should somehow stop  
>I'll hang on, to the hope<br>That you're not too late_

But Elijah's heart has long since broken from the clutch of Tatia, and even Katerina has no hold over him anymore. He pities the latter for what she has become; a selfish, cold-hearted woman that had had so much potential.

No, neither of the Petrovas, the original and the first doppelgänger alike, could compare to the spark that Elena has ignited in his stony heart. He would be a liar, and a liar he is not, if he said he isn't reminded from time to time of her predecessors, but he sees her kind smile, the light that shines vibrantly in her chocolate eyes, and he knows she is her own person.

_And there are times I know when I will have to chase you_  
><em>The further from my side you go, the longing grows<em>  
><em>And though I hate this, I'll still want you,<em>  
><em>I will hate this, but I'll still want you<em>

The longing he harbors for her is all-consuming, a fire that cannot be doused. It pains him to see her with the Salvatores, to be able to only observe her from afar, never directly contribute to her happiness or be the cause of her tinkling laughter.

And yet, he feels compassion for those two brothers. He knows what it's like to be at near-irreparable odds with a sibling, and the fact that it is over a girl allows him to further relate. It will be their demise, he knows all too well, if the situation is not resolved before long. He would be more than happy to take her off their hands, he muses wryly, permitting a smirk to quirk his mouth. But she's not his to have. He's grown used to telling himself this.

He takes one last look at the forest around him, absorbing its familiar earthy scent and emerald hues, before turning on his heels and leaving his former home behind.

_Even though the flower dies something's by its side  
>A helping hand or a kiss goodbye, to ease it on its way <em>

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><p>AN: So, this is my first ever songfic and first TVD upload (even though I have a million sitting in my doc folder!). I hope I did Elijah's character justice. I didn't set out to write a deep, detailed analysis, just some ramblings and a brief look into his possible thought process. Please leave feedback!


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